I’ve had the opportunity over the years to meet some famous people I really admired, mostly writers of some sort at readings or conventions or just in the course of grad school. In some ways it’s a really neat experience because they become more humanized, actual people instead of the god-tier art monsters of my imagination. Their kids text them at inappropriate times, they tell the same story over and over Sorry, no names…, and they’re internationally renowned geniuses. Talk to them about art, though, and it’s a little tough to keep pace.
Conversations with them tend to be a pile of awkwardness, and I can totally handle that. I’ve been awkward my whole life, intentionally or not, but I’m not always the problem and I’m willing to bet that there are tons of awkward interactions at meet-and-greets that don’t involve me I bet they don’t all make it to a personal website either. Does this make it more awkward or less? Oh jeez, I’m doing it again, aren’t I?.
Awkwardness alone isn’t enough to put me off introductions with talented people. You know what is? Assholery.
✦ Hello, *crickets*, goodbye ✦
I don’t like small talk. I imagine few people do. Either way, I never know what to say I’m old enough now that I don’t feel obliged to talk to people. I just don’t want anyone to feel weird or offended if I’m just there, existing, in close proximity. when I meet anyone, let alone genius-level artists. I’ve told Cesar Aira how much I admired reading and translating his work, but his English isn’t great and my spoken Spanish is awful. I don’t know that he really understood what I was talking about so I felt kind of stupid not being able to communicate in the moment. He was kind enough to sign a couple of books for me and nod and all that.
I had a similar experience when I met Grant Morrison at an NY Comic Con signing event. I don’t know if he still does this, but he used to spend tons of time with fans during signings so if you had something to say he was more than happy to chat. His generosity was notable given how famous he was already It also made the wait notably longer.. He’s a comic book savant and you could have a really deep conversation with him if you were immersed in that world, but I don’t speak Comic Book. So when I met him I didn’t have much to say other than that I enjoyed his work. He signed a few books, I said thank you, and went on my way.
✦ That’ll be $3 and your dignity, please ✦
At that same NY Comic Con, I met a really well-known sci-fi author whose books I’d been reading since I was in middle school. He’s written well over 100 novels, been on bestseller lists dozens of times, and had made quite a career for himself by then. He had his own large booth with his books laid in stacks around four sides worth of tables with a 10-foot-tall publisher banner in the middle. He was there with his wife and his assistant.
No other fans were at the table, which I found strange since he’s written books for a few large franchises that have garnered him multi-million dollar book deals, so he and his wife were just hanging out and chatting behind his life’s work. His assistant ran interference when I approached the table and started telling me about his career and his recent work, and that was all well and good, but I actually did have something I wanted to say to the writer.
I wanted to thank him for being one of my sources of inspiration over the years that ultimately led me to want to write. All the joy his books had given me was the sort of thing I wanted my writing to be for other people. The assistant said he’d autograph any book I bought, so I picked out a novel, a relatively inexpensive mass market paperback, a standalone story I hadn’t yet read. This got the attention of the writer. He and his wife stood to chat with me. He started pointing out which of his books he liked best and asked me what I liked to read. I gave him a couple examples and he grabbed a special edition hardcover of a novel he’d co-written with another famous person I was familiar with. I’m not an idiot and I saw this for the upsell it was, but the book did seem interesting and there were some cool illustrations, so I said to myself, “how often do you get to meet a writer with this kind of status and thank him for his work and come away with a nice autographed copy of a book you might really enjoy?”
I sprang for the hardcover.
When the assistant rang me up he asked if I wanted it autographed. Sure, yeah, why not. The assistant said, “That’ll be $3 extra.”
‘Scuse me? I’m paying $30 for a book, Grant Morrison is doing autographs for free with a line around the center of the room and this guy’s nickel-and-diming me for an autograph that his assistant made me think would be included with the purchase? Like I said, I’m not an idiot, but I am a sucker. I thought to myself, “this is going to be the worst kind of story I get to tell for the rest of my life,” so I paid the $3.
I still wanted to thank him for his work, so I did, and I felt a genuine sense of gratitude in that moment despite the weird commercial interaction, but he didn’t really acknowledge me and just kind of waved me away and went back to chatting with his wife.
That was that. Awkward and disappointing.
He was enough of an ass that I don’t read his work anymore and that $33 autographed hard cover is sitting unread on my shelf to this day. It now serves as a potent reminder not to be like that guy.
✦ Expectation vs Reality ✦
What did I want from these encounters anyway?
Really, I just wanted a cordial interaction. I like thanking artists. Art is a thankless job and it’s nice to know one’s work is appreciated. Ask me how I know…
I really don’t care about autographs, special editions, collectibles, or whatever. I’d ideally come away with an additive experience, something that makes my relationship with the artist’s work a little more personal, but artists are under no obligation to provide that for anyone at any point.
✦ I’ll stick with my illusions, thanks ✦
I draw way more inspiration from the images of writers I’ve conjured in my head based on the work that I’ve connected with. I don’t want anything to mar my experience of their art, whether it’s because of my idiocy or their assholery. I don’t want to damage what was already perfect enough.
It’s like deciding to keep an action figure in its original packaging. I know if I play with it I’m more likely to break it and lose it forever, so I’d rather admire it through the plastic.